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Enter CALLIDAMATES, at a distance.
CALLIDAMATES
to himself . When I had buried all drowsiness1, and slept off the debauch, Philolaches told me that his father had arrived here from abroad; in what a way too his servant had imposed upon the man on his arrival; he said that he was afraid to come into his presence. Now of our company I am deputed sole ambassador, to obtain peace from his father. And look, most opportunely here he is. Accosting THEUROPIDES. I wish you health, Theuropides, and am glad that you've got back safe from abroad. You must dine here with us to-day. Do so. THEUROPIDES
Callidamates, may the Gods bless you. For your dinner I offer you my thanks. CALLIDAMATES
Will you come then? TRANIO
To THEUROPIDES. Do promise him; I'll go for you, if you don't like. THEUROPIDES
Whip-scoundrel, laughing at me still? TRANIO
What, because I say that I'll go to dinner for you? THEUROPIDES
But you shan't go. I'll have you carried to the cross, as you deserve. TRANIO
Come, let this pass, and say that I shall go to the dinner. Why are you silent? CALLIDAMATES
to TRANIO . But why, you greatest of simpletons, have you taken refuge at the altar? TRANIO
He frightened me on his arrival. To THEUROPIDES. Say now, what I have done amiss. Look, now there's an umpire for us both; come, discuss the matter. THEUROPIDES
I say that you have corrupted my son. TRANIO
Only listen. I confess that he has done amiss; that he has given freedom to his mistress; that in your absence he has borrowed money at interest; that, I admit, is squandered away. Has he done anything different to what sons of the noblest families do? THEUROPIDES
Upon my faith, I must be on my guard with you; you are too clever a pleader. CALLIDAMATES
Just let me be umpire in this matter. TO TRANIO. Get up; I'll seat myself there. THEUROPIDES
By all means: take the management of this dispute to yourself. Pushes him to one side of the altar. TRANIO
Why, this is surely a trick. Make me, then, not to be in a fright, and yourself to be in a fright in my stead. THEUROPIDES
I consider now everything of trifling consequence, compared with the way in which he has fooled me. TRANIO
I' faith, 'twas cleverly done, and I rejoice that it was done. Those who have white heads ought at that age to be wiser. THEUROPIDES
What am I now to do if my friend Demipho or Philonides---- TRANIO
Tell them in what way your servant made a fool of you. You would be affording most capital plots for Comedies. CALLIDAMATES
Hold your tongue awhile; let me speak in my turn.--Listen. THEUROPIDES
By all means. CALLIDAMATES
In the first place of all then, you know that I am the companion of your son; he has gone to my house, for he is ashamed to come into your presence, because he knows that you are aware what he has done. Now, I beseech you, do pardon his simplicity and youthfulness. He is your son; you know that this age is wont to play such pranks; whatever he has.done, he has done in company with me. We have acted wrong: the interest, principal, and all the sum at which the mistress was purchased, all of it we will find, and will contribute together, at our own cost, not yours. THEUROPIDES
No mediator could have come to me more able to influence me than yourself. I am neither angry with him2, nor do I blame him for anything: nay more, in my presence, wench on, drink, do what you please. If he's ashamed of this, that he has been extravagant, I have sufficient satisfaction. CALLIDAMATES
I'm quite ashamed myself TRANIO
He grants pardon thus far; now then, what is to become of me? THEUROPIDES
Filth, tied up as you hang, you shall be beaten with stripes. TRANIO
Even though I am ashamed3? THEUROPIDES
Upon my faith, I'll be the death of you, if I live! CALLIDAMATES
Make this pardon general; do, pray, forgive Tranio this offence, for my sake. THEUROPIDES
I would more readily put up with your obtaining any other request of me than that I should forbear sending to perdition this fellow for his most villanous doings. CALLIDAMATES
Pray, do pardon him. TRANIO
Do pardon me? THEUROPIDES
Look there, don't you see how the villain sticks there? Pointing to the altar. CALLIDAMATES
Tranio, do be quiet, if you are in your senses. THEUROPIDES
Only do you be quiet in urging this matter. I'll subdue him with stripes, so that he shall be quiet. CALLIDAMATES
Really, there is no need. Come now, do allow yourself to be prevailed upon. THEUROPIDES
I wish you would not request me. CALLIDAMATES
Troth now, I do entreat you. THEUROPIDES
I wish you would not request me, I tell you. CALLIDAMATES
It's in vain you wish me not; only do grant this one pardon for his offence, pray, for my sake, I do entreat you. TRANIO
Why make this difficulty? As if to-morrow I shouldn't be very soon committing some other fault; then, both of them, both this one and that, you'll be able to punish soundly. CALLIDAMATES
Do let me prevail upon you. THEUROPIDES
Well then, have it so; begone, unpunished! TRANIO jumps down from the altar. There now, pointing to CALLIDAMATES return him thanks for it. Coming forward. Spectators, this Play is finished; grant us your applause4.
1 Buried all drowsiness: Generally we hear of a person "being buried in sleep;" but Callidamates considers that a drunkard, when he awakes from his sleep, "buries slumber." It is not unlike the words of Shakspeare, in Macbeth: "Macbeth doth murder sleep!"
2 Neither angry with him: "Illi," "with him;" evidently meaning Philolaches.
3 Though I am ashamed: This piece of impudence is very characteristic of Tranio.
4 Grant us your applause: We may here remark that The Intriguing Chambermaid, one of Fielding's comedies, is founded upon this entertaining Play.
The Comedies of Plautus. Henry Thomas Riley. London. G. Bell and Sons. 1912.
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