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Enter DORDALUS, at a distance.
DORDALUS
to himself . Those who are, and those who shall be, and those who have been, and those who are to be hereafter, all of them I singly by far surpass, in being the most wretched of men alive. I'm undone, ruined quite! This day has shone upon me the most unfortunate of days; that ruiner Toxilus has so outmanœuvred me, and has so laid waste my property! A whole cartload of silver, to my misfortune, have I upset, and lost, and have not that for which I did upset it. May all the Deities utterly confound that Persian, and all Persians, and all persons besides! in such a way has Toxilus, the wretch, conjured this up against me. Because I didn't trust him for the money, for that reason has he contrived this plan against me,--a fellow, that, by my faith, if I only live, I'll bring to torture and the fetters; if, indeed, his master ever returns here, as I trust he will. Catching sight of the REVELLERS. But what is it I see? Do look at that. What play is this? By my troth, they're carousing here surely. I'll accost them. He goes up to them. O worthy sir to TOXILUS , my greetings to you--you, too to LEMNISELENE , my worthy freed-woman. TOXILUS
Why surely this is Dordalus. SAGARISTIO
Invite him, then, to come. TOXILUS
to DORDALUS . Come here, if you like. Aside. Come, let's sing his praises. Aloud. Dordalus, most delightful fellow, welcome, here's a place for you; take your place here pointing to a couch . Bring water for his feet to the SLAVES. Are you going to give it, lad? Is going to pat DORDALUS on the shoulder. DORDALUS
Don't you, please, be touching me with a single finger, lest I should fell you to the ground, you villain. PÆG.
holding up a cup . And I this very instant will be striking out your eye with this tankard. DORDALUS
What do you say, gallows1, you wearer-away of the whip? How have you imposed upon me2 to-day? Into what embarrassments have you thrown me? How have I been baulked about the Persian? TOXILUS
You'll be off with your abuse from here, if you are wise. DORDALUS
to LEMNISELENE . But, my worthy freed-woman, you knew of this, and concealed it from me. LEMNISELENE
It's folly for a person who can enjoy himself to turn to brawling in preference. 'Twere more proper for you to arrange about those matters another time. DORDALUS
My heart's in flames. TOXILUS
Give him a goblet, then; put out the fire, if his heart's in flames, that his head mayn't be burnt. DORDALUS
You're making sport of me, I find. TOXILUS
Would you like3 a new playfellow for you, Pægnium? Pointing at DORDALUS. But sport on as you are wont, as this is a place of freedom. PÆGNIUM struts about round DORDALUS. O rare! you do stalk in a princely style and right merrily. PÆG.
It befits me to be merry, and I've a longing to play this Procurer some pranks, since he's deserving of it. TOXILUS
As you commenced, proceed. PÆG.
striking him . Take that, Procurer! DORDALUS
I'm undone! he has almost knocked me down! PÆG.
Hey--be on your guard4 again. Strikes at him. DORDALUS
Sport on just as you please, while your master's away from here. PÆG.
skipping around him . Don't you see how obedient I am to your request? But why, on the other hand, are not you obedient to my request as well, and why don't you do that which I advise you? DORDALUS
What's that? PÆG.
Do you take a stout rope for yourself, and go hang yourself. DORDALUS
shaking his stick . Take you care, will you, that you don't touch me, lest I give you a heavy return with this walking-stick. PÆG. Make use of it; I give you leave. TOXILUS
Come, come, Pægnium, put an end to it. DORDALUS
By my faith, I'll utterly destroy you all. TOXILUS
But he, who dwells above5 us, wishes you all ill, and will do you all ill. It's not they that tell you so, but I. TOXILUS
Come to the SLAVES , carry round the honied wine6; give us drink in goblets quite full: it's a long time now since we last drank; we've been athirst too long. DORDALUS
May the Gods grant that you may drink that which may never pass through you. PÆG.
I cannot forbear, Procurer, from at least dancing a hornpipe7 for you, which Hegea formerly composed. But just look if it quite pleases you. He dances. SAGARISTIO
rising . I'd like also to repeat that one which Diodorus formerly composed in Ionia. Goes close to DORDALUS. DORDALUS
I'll be doing you a mischief, if you are not off! SAGARISTIO
Still muttering, impudence? If you provoke me, I'll just now be bringing you the Persian again. DORDALUS
I' faith, I'm silenced now. Why, you are the Persian that has been fleecing me to the quick! TOXILUS
Hold your tongue, simpleton; this is his twin-brother. DORDALUS
Is it he? Tox. Aye, and a very twin of twins. DORDALUS
May the Gods and Goddesses rack both yourself and your twin-brother. SAGARISTIO
Him, you mean, who has been ruining you; for I don't deserve anything. DORDALUS
But still, what he deserves, I hope that that may prove to your undoing. TOXILUS
to SAGARISTIO . Come, if you like, let's have some sport with this fellow, unless he isn't deemed worthy of it. SAGARISTIO
Just now it's right. LEMNISELENE
aside . But it isn't proper for me. TOXILUS
aside . For the reason, I suppose, that he made no difficulties when I purchased you. LEMNISELENE
aside . But still---- TOXILUS
aside . No "still." Beware, then, of a mishap, will you, and obey me. It becomes you to be heedful of my orders; for, i' faith, had it not been for me and my protection, he would before long have made a street-walker of you. But such are some of those who have gained their freedom, unless they thwart their patron, they don't appear to themselves free enough, or wise enough, or honest enough, unless they oppose him, unless they abuse him, unless they are found ungrateful to him who has been kind. LEMNISELENE
aside . I' troth, your kindnesses command me to pay obedience to your commands. TOXILUS
aside . I clearly am your patron, who paid the money for you to that man pointing to DORDALUS ; in return for that, I choose that he shall be made sport of. LEMNISELENE
aside . For my part, I'll do my utmost. DORDALUS
For sure, these persons are consulting to do something, I know not what, to injure me. SAGARISTIO
Hark you. TOXILUS
What do you say? SAGARISTIO
Is this person here, Dordalus the Procurer, who deals in free women? Is this he who was formerly st stalwart? DORDALUS
What means this? PÆGNIUM strikes him. Oh, oh! he has given me a slap in the face! I'll do you a mischief. Shakes his fist at him. TOXILUS
But we have done you one, and shall do it again too. DORDALUS
PÆGNIUM pinching him . Oh, oh! he's pinching my behind. PÆG.
Of course; it has been many a time twitched before this. DORDALUS
Are you still prating, you bit of a boy? LEMNISELENE
to DORDALUS . My patron, do, there's a dear, come in-doors to dinner. DORDALUS
My lump of laziness, are you now scoffing at me? LEMNISELENE
What, because I invite you to enjoy yourself? DORDALUS
I don't want to enjoy myself. LEMNISELENE
Then don't. TOXILUS
How then? The six hundred didrachms, how are they? What disturbances they do cause. DORDALUS
aside . I'm utterly undone! They understand full well how to return the compliment to an enemy. TOXILUS
Have we now had satisfaction enough? DORDALUS
I confess it; I hold up my hands8 to you. TOXILUS
And, ere long, you shall be holding them beneath the bilboes9. Be off in-doors. SAGARISTIO
To perdition! DORDALUS
to the AUDIENCE . Have these fellows here worked me in too slight a degree? Goes into his house. TOXILUS
calling after him . Keep in mind that you met with a Toxilus. To the AUDIENCE. Spectators, kindly fare you well. The Procurer is demolished. Grant us your applause.
1 Gallows: "Crux." Literally, "cross;" in allusion to it as peculiarly the instrument of the punishment of slaves.
2 Imposed upon me: "Manus adita est." Literally, "your hand was gone to." This is probably an allusion to the practice of kissing the hand in irony to a person when he is loudly complaining of having been imposed upon.
3 Would you like: This passage has been somewhat modified in the Translation.
4 Be on your guard: In Weise's Edition, "servo," in this line, seems to be not so conformable to the sense of the passage as "serva," which has been adopted.
5 Who dwells above: He alludes to Jupiter, the King of Heaven.
6 The honied wine: He probably mentions "mulsum," because that was the draught with which soldiers were regaled after victory.
7 A hornpipe: "Staticulum." This was probably danced, the performer not moving from the spot; and perhaps was something similar to our hornpipe dances. Of Hegea and Diodorus, the dancing masters, no records are left.
8 Hold up my hands: "Manus dare," "to extend the hands," was a term applied to the gladiators in the Amphitheatres, who extended their hands for mercy, when they acknowledged themselves defeated.
9 Beneath the bilboes: "Furca." This instrument, in shape of the letter V, was placed round the neck of offenders, and their hands tied to the ands of it.
The Comedies of Plautus. Henry Thomas Riley. London. G. Bell and Sons. 1912.
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