Aristophanes, Plutus
Eugene O'Neill, Jr., Ed.

Wife
And did not the god come?

Cario
He did not tarry; and when he was near us, oh! dear! such a good joke happened. My belly was quite blown up, and I let a thunderous fart!

Wife
[700] Doubtless the god pulled a wry face?

Cario
No, but Iaso blushed a little and Panacea turned her head away, holding her nose; my farts are not perfume.

Wife
And what did the god do?

Cario
He paid not the slightest heed.

Wife
[705] He must then be a pretty coarse kind of god?

Cario
I don't say that, but he's used to tasting stools.

Wife
Impudent knave, go on with you!

Cario
Then I hid myself in my bed all a-tremble. Asclepius did the round of the patients and examined them all with great attention; [710] then a slave placed beside him a stone mortar, a pestle and a little box.

Wife
Of stone?

Cario
No, not of stone.

Wife
But how could you see all this, you arch-rascal, when you say you were hiding all the time?

Cario
Why, great gods, through my cloak, [715] for it's not without holes! He first prepared an ointment for Neoclides; he threw three heads of Tenian garlic into the mortar, pounded them with an admixture of fig-tree sap and [720] lentisk, moistened the whole with Sphettian vinegar, and, turning back the patient's eyelids, applied his salve to the interior of the eyes, so that the pain might be more excruciating. Neoclides shrieked, howled, sprang towards the foot of his bed and wanted to bolt, but the god laughed and said to him, “Keep where you are with your salve; [725] by doing this you will not go and perjure yourself before the Assembly.”

Wife
What a wise god and what a friend to our city!

Cario
Thereupon he came and seated himself at the head of Plutus' bed, took a perfectly clean rag [730] and wiped his eyelids; Panacea covered his head and face with a purple cloth, while the god whistled, and two enormous snakes came rushing from the sanctuary.

Wife
Great gods!

Cario
[735] They slipped gently beneath the purple cloth and, as far as I could judge, licked the patient's eyelids; for, in less time than even you need, mistress, to drain down ten beakers of wine, Plutus rose up; he could see. I clapped my hands with joy [740] and awoke my master, and the god immediately disappeared with the serpents into the sanctuary. As for those who were lying near Plutus, you can imagine that they embraced him tenderly. Dawn broke and not one of them had closed an eye. [745] As for myself, I did not cease thanking the god who had so quickly restored to Plutus his sight and had made Neoclides blinder than ever.