Aristophanes, Wasps
Eugene O'Neill, Jr., Ed.

A badly bruised man enters.

Accuser
I summons you, old man, for outrage.

Bdelycleon
For outrage? Oh! in the name of the gods, do not summons him! I will be answerable for him; [1420] name the price and I will be more more grateful still.

Philocleon
I ask for nothing better than to be reconciled with him; for I admit I struck him and threw stones at him. So, first come here. Will you leave it in my hands to name the indemnity I must pay, [1425] if I promise you my friendship as well, or will you fix it yourself?

Accuser
Fix it; I like neither lawsuits nor disputes.

Philocleon
A man of Sybaris fell from his chariot and wounded his head most severely; he was a very poor driver. [1430] One of his friends came up to him and said, "Every man to his trade." Well then, go you to Pittalus to get mended.

Bdelycleon
You are incorrigible.

Accuser
to his witness
At all events, make a note of his reply.

They start to leave.

Philocleon
[1435] Listen, instead of going off so abruptly. A woman at Sybaris broke a box.

Accuser
to his witness
I again ask you to witness this.

Philocleon
The box therefore had the fact attested, but the woman said, "Never worry about witnessing the matter, [1440] but hurry off to buy a cord to tie it together with; that will be the more sensible course."

Accuser
Oh! go on with your ribaldry until the Archon calls the case.

He and his witness depart.

Bdelycleon
to Philocleon
By Demeter! you'll stay here no longer! I am going to take you and carry you off.

Philocleon
And what for?

Bdelycleon
What for? I am going to carry you into the house, [1445] so that the accusers will not run out of witnesses.

Philocleon
One day at Delphi, Aesop ...

Bdelycleon
I don't care a fig for that.

Philocleon
... was accused of having stolen a sacred vase. But he replied, that the horn-beetle ...

Bdelycleon
Oh, dear, dear! You'll drive me crazy with your horn-beetle.