But because, as we have before observed, it is common to them both to please (for a good man is no less taken
with the company of his friends than an ill one is with a
flatterer's), let us discriminate them here too. And the
way will be to have an eye to the end to which they direct
the satisfaction they create, which may be thus illustrated.
Your perfumed oils have a fine odoriferous scent, and so, it
may be, have some medicines too; but with this difference,
that the former are prepared barely for the gratification of
the sense, whilst the other, besides their odor, purge, heal,
and fatten. Again, the colors used by painters are certainly
very florid and the mixture agreeable; and yet so it is in
some medicinal compositions too. Wherein then lies the
difference? Why, in the end or use for which they are
designed, the one purely for pleasure the other for profit.
In like manner the civilities of one friend to another, besides the main point of their honesty and mutual advantage,
are always attended with an overplus of delight and satisfaction.
[p. 114]
Nay, they can now and then indulge themselves
the liberty of an innocent diversion, a collation, or a glass
of wine, and, believe me, can be as cheerful and jocund as
the best; all which they use only as sauce, to give a relish
to the more serious and weighty concernments of life. To
which purpose was that of the poet,
With pleasing chat they did delight each other;
as likewise this too,
Nothing could part our pleasure or our love.1
But the whole business and design of a flatterer is continually to entertain the company with some pastime or
other, a little jest, a story well told, or a comical action;
and, in a word, he thinks he can never overact the diverting
part of conversation. Whereas the true friend, proposing
no other end to himself than the bare discharge of his duty,
is sometimes pleasant, and as often, it may be, disagreeable,
neither solicitously coveting the one, nor industriously avoiding the other, if he judge it the more seasonable and
expedient. For as a physician, if need require, will throw
in a little saffron or spikenard to qualify his patient's dose,
and will now and then bathe him and feed him up curiously, and yet again another time will prescribe him castor,
Or poley, which the strongest scent doth yield
Of all the physic plants which clothe the field,
or perhaps will oblige him to drink an infusion of hellebore,—proposing neither the deliciousness of the one nor
the nauseousness of the other as his scope and design, but
only conducting him by these different methods to one and
the same end, the recovery of his health,—in like manner
the real friend sometimes leads his man gently on to virtue by
kindness, by pleasing and extolling him, as he in Homer,
[p. 115]
Dear Teucer, thou who art in high command,
Thus draw the bow with thy unerring hand;
and as another speaking of Ulysses,
How can I doubt, while great Ulysses stands
To lend his counsel and assist our hands?
and again, when he sees correction requisite, he will check
him severely, as,
Whither, O Menelaus, wouldst thou run,
And tempt a fate which prudence bids thee shun?
2
and perhaps he is forced another time to second his words
with actions, as Menedemus reclaimed his friend Asclepiades's son, a dissolute and debauched young gentleman, by
shutting his doors upon him and not vouchsafing to speak
to him. And Arcesilaus forbade Battus his school for
having abused Cleanthes in a comedy of his, but after he
had made satisfaction and an acknowledgment of his fault,
took him into favor again. For we ought to grieve and
afflict our friend with design merely of serving him, not of
making a rupture betwixt us, and must apply our reprehensions only as pungent and acute medicines, with no other
intent than the recovery of the patient. And therefore a
friend—like a skilful musician who, to tune his instrument, winds up one string and lets down another—grants
some things and refuses others according as their honesty
or usefulness prompt him, whereby he often pleases, but is
sure always to profit; whereas the parasite, who is continually upon the same humoring string, knows not how to let
fall a cross word or commit a disobliging action, but servilely complies with all your desires, and is always in the
tune you ask for. And therefore, as Xenophon reports of
Agesilaus that he took some delight in being praised by
those who would upon occasion dispraise him too, so ought
we to judge that only he rejoices and pleases us really as a
[p. 116]
friend, who will, when need requires, thwart and contradict
us; we must suspect their conversation who aim at nothing
but our gratification, without the least intermixture of reprehension; and indeed we ought to have ready upon such
occasions that repartee of a Lacedaemonian who, hearing
King Charillus highly extolled for an excellent person,
asked, How he could be so good a man, who was never
severe to an ill one?
