Now we observe that many people have neither the assurance nor the courage to
school their friends when these are prospering, but on the contrary feel
that good fortune is altogether inaccessible and impregnable to admonition,
whereas, when one of their friends has fallen and come to grief, they assail
him and trample upon him now he is reduced to a subordinate and humble
position, letting loose upon him a flood of frank speech, like a stream
which has been held in unnatural restraint, and they find a welcome
[p. 365]
pleasure in the change because of their friend's former
disdain and their own weakness ; it would therefore be well to discuss this
matter also, and to make a reply to Euripides
1 when he says,
When Heaven
grants us luck, what need of friends ?
The reply is, that in good fortune
men have most need of friends to speak frankly and reduce their excess of
pride. For there are few persons who in good fortune have still a sober mind
; most have need of discretion and reason to be put into them from without,
which shall repress them when they are puffed up and unsettled with the
favours of fortune. But when the Heavenly power casts them down and strips
off their importance, there is in these calamities alone admonition enough
to work repentance. Wherefore at such a time there is no use for a friend's
frankness or for words charged with grave and stinging reproof; but in such
reversals truly
'Tis sweet to gaze into a kind man's eyes,2
when he offers
consolation and encouragement. And this was true of Clearchus, the sight of
whose face, Xenophon
3 says, so kindly and benevolent in the midst of ‘
battles and perils,’ strengthened the confidence of the men in
the face of danger. But he who applies frankness of speech and stinging
reproof to a person in misfortune, might as well apply some stimulant of
vision to a disordered and inflamed eye ; he effects no cure nor any
abatement of the pain, but only adds irritation to the painfulness, and
exasperates the sufferer. Thus no man in good health, for instance, is at
all harsh or ferocious against a friend who blames him for yielding to women
and wine, or for being lazy and neglecting to take exercise, or for
indulging perpetually in baths or
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unseasonable
gourmandise. But for a man who is sick it is intolerable, nay, an
aggravation of the sickness, to be told, ‘See what comes of your
intemperance, your soft living, your gluttony and wenching.’
‘Heavens, man, what a time to talk of that! I am writing my will, the
doctors are preparing for me a dose of castor or scammony, and you
admonish and lecture me!’ Under such conditions, then, the very
circumstances in which the unfortunate find themselves leave no room for
frank speaking and sententious saws, but they do require gentle usage and
help. When children fall down, the nurses do not rush up to them to berate
them, but they take them up, wash them, and straighten their clothes, and,
after all this is done, they then rebuke and punish them. It is said that
when Demetrius of Phalerum had been banished from his native land and was
living in obscurity and humble station near Thebes, he was not well pleased
to see Crates approaching, anticipating some cynical frankness and harsh
language. But Crates met him with all gentleness, and conversed with him
concerning the subject of banishment, how there was nothing bad in it, nor
any good cause to feel distress, since thus he was set free from a hazardous
and insecure office ; at the same time he urged him not to be discouraged
over himself and his present condition. Whereupon Demetrius, becoming more
cheerful and once more taking heart, said to his friends, ‘What a
pity that those activities and occupations of mine have kept me from
knowing a man like this !’
The kindly words of friends for one
in grief And admonitions when one plays the fool. 4
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This
is the way of noble friends, but the ignoble and degraded flatterers of the
fortunate are ‘like the old fractures and sprains,’ which, as
Demosthenes
5 says, ‘are stirred afresh whenever the body suffers some
ill,’ and so these persons have a clinging fondness for reverses,
as though they were pleased with them and derived enjoyment from them. For
if a man really needs a reminder where he has come to grief through
following his own ill-advised counsel, sufficient are the words :
Never did
I approve the act; indeed I often Spoke against it.6
